i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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