I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
