My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
