I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
