I'm jealous of your bromance
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
