I want to stick my p in your. b.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
