Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
