just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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