The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
