I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
