Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Mom said you looked used
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
