Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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