better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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