That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
