Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
