tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize