you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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