i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
