Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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