just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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