i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
