i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
