dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
