I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
