I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize