My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
