you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
