This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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