I met the friendliest cop last night
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
