OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
