brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
