Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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