my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize