who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
