I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
