You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
