Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
