It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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