I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
