he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize