Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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