He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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