As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
