**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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