can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
