I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
