The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
