Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
