Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
