dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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