my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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