if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
