I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
