You were right. It hurts to walk today.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
