remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
