She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
