Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I forget how to act sober
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