Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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