were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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