i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
