I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
