is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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