Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
