I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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