I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
