What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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