My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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