the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
