Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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