HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
