I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
