apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize