I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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