Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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