a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
