I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
