Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
