i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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