Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
