he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
