You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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