party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
