you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
