Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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