there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My penis needs a shock collar
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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