I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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