I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize