My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
