i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize