His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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