he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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