I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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