Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
They took my balls.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
