the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
whose ass print is on the piano?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize