Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You ruined the universe
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
