I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We're too hungover to prance.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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