I can text with my tongue
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
