i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
