Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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