he shaved USA in his pubs
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
