I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
