i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If I die, sorry about rent.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
