Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
