you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
